Choices

Everyday we wake there are choices to be made whether consciously or subconsciously. Some choices are simple should I eat this for breakfast or eat that for breakfast. Some choices are more difficult should I take this job and move my life to another area. Then there are those choices you do not realize you are making until you reap the consequence of that choice. These are the choices one has not sat and ponder for hours and days. That has been true for me over the past few months. I made choices over the past few months of my life that were not wise and am now reaping the consequences. However I am also seeing that in the midst of the pain and suffering of my choices, God is meeting me there. Should he? In my mind, absolutely not! I sinned against Him. God said, "Choose this way," and in my disobedience, weakness of the flesh I chose another way. But he reaches out and grabs me, His prodigal, and says, "I am still not done with you." The past few months have been filled with darkness, confusion, pain, doubt, hurt, anger and may I add much shame! But God in His mercy has held to His promises that He will never leave me or abandon me. Even in my sin, God has not left me. This morning I was reading Philippians 1. I am always encouraged and challenged when I see the life of the apostle Paul. There are several things that stuck out to me this morning. The first one is in verse 6. God will complete what He started in me, though the path is painful at times and sometimes the road is not clear, I can rest in knowing that Christ is returning, and on that day, I will be fully glorified. There will be no more sin and no more poor choices. Another two verses that brought me hope was 1.12-14. Paul saw his present affliction (circumstance) as a trial that has led to the furthering of the gospel, for his chains made him more confident in speaking the gospel without fear. Who would have thought the apostle Paul was fearful in preaching the gospel? And who would have ever thought chains would break that fear? I looked at my own situation, and I cannot make sense of any of it today. Everyday my emotions vary, but God remains constant. Whether it is shame, confusion, or anger, God meets me in that emotion, and one day I will see beauty come from my unwise choices. God is still writing my story. And though I often feel my witness of the Gospel is ruined; God reminds me He is in the process of making in stronger. Finally, verse 1.29 reminded me that any suffering as a believer never goes wasted. It is all meaningful. It is a gift of grace. I admit most days I do not see my present situation as a gift of grace, but that is when trust comes in and again the freedom to choose. Do I choose to walk in faith or do I choose to walk by sight? Sometimes faith seems easy, but most days it seems impossible. Either way God does not leave me, but He meets me in my weaknesses, my doubts, my anger, my fears, disappointment, shame, confusion. So often I hear the Holy Spirit's whispers, "I am at work. You cannot see it right now, but I am working." Romans 8.28 "In all things (even my wrong choices) God works for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purposes." Today is not going to be easy, tomorrow may not be easy, the next month will not get easy. But everyday waking and choosing obedience by God's grace alone will one day lead to a day when it is better, and when I see the beauty come from my ashes. Oh God, I ask for your mercy and grace everyday. Even the days when I want to run and hide because I feel overwhelmed with my emotions. Grab me and dont let me have my own way.

Waiting for Silver

 Waiting on the Lord has not been easy for me in my spiritual journey, but the more I grow in my relationship with Him, and the more I learn of His goodness and faithfulness towards me, the waiting is more bearable, and I begin to see the Joy in waiting. However, recently I have found myself yearning and in a sense idolizing relief from the waiting, my happiness, or the object desired. How grateful I am the Lord showed me this, that I could repent and turn to Him for grace, for I wanted my happiness instead of my good. And God is too good of a loving Father to bring me relief or give me what I want when I want it or how I want it. It is comforting and securing to know that I have a Father I cannot control! I may sinfully demand of His hand in my ignorance, but His wisdom and love for me is far greater than my ignorance. Amen. This morning I was reading through the Scriptures and praying. The Lord led me to a few verses: James 1.25 and Psalm 66.8-12. The trials of this life, and I do believe waiting on God can be a trial, are tools in which the Lord refines us. As silver we are refined into something beautiful and glorious, the likeness of Christ. God loves us so much, that He is willing to allow trial and affliction into our livs so that He can bring us out into "rich fulfillment," and that fulfillment is the image of His Son. If you are anything like me, my first reaction to trials, suffering, and waiting is to be defensive and like a child kick and scream and ask "why." However, over the years this has lessened as the Lord continues to whisper to me, "Tara, let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." God is so committed to me being like Jesus. I can either kick and scream or press into the arms of Christ and let patience have its perfect work, as God brings about the image of His Son in my life. What a great hope that years to come as I walk with God I will only grow to look more and more like Him. Though it may be painful the hope to come makes waiting for silver joyful.

Egypt or Israel- Dead or Alive

This morning I was reading through Exodus 14 and 15. My heart stood in awe of the greatness of my God. The Lord is holy, just, and perfect in all His ways. He called a people to Himself (Israel), and He made a covenant with them, and because He is a covenant keeping God faithful to His promises, we see yet another beautiful picture of our Lord in Ex. 14.13. God promises to fight for the Israelites, and all they had to do was hold their peace. In the parting of the red sea, we see both the merciful compassion and the righteous indignation of God. His mercy fell upon the people He called to Himself  and made a way for them to pass through the Red Sea with no harm. He brought them safe to land freeing them from their bondage and captivity. Yet, God is just, and he punished the wickedness of the Egyptians, as he brought diseases upon them and allowed the Red Sea to cave in on them. Following the parting of the Red Sea when the Israelites were in Mahar, the Lord spoke to them with beautiful words, "for I am the Lord who heals You" (Ex. 15.26). God is for His people and will forever fight for them with such intensity to allow His beloved Son to be crucified and resurrected providing a greater parting of a sea, destroying a greater divide, and bringing a greater healing and rescue-Salvation. The greatest act of God is making spiritually dead people alive. In thinking about how the Red Sea applied to my life today, Ephesians 2 resonates in my mind. I was once like an Egyptian, far off from the fold of God, an object of His wrath, living with a hardened heart; yet, God who is RICH in mercy made me alive in Christ. I can say with great joy and gladness, God I am yours! I am your people! You are compassionate and gracious. God, you alone, made a way for me to cross the sea, and that way is Jesus. Today I can sing with Moses-Exodus 15, worshiping the majesty of God!

Hope

Today was a sad day; I cant really reason or pinpoint exactly why. However, in the midst of my sadness I was seeking to reflect on the goodness of God, but must confess I was doubting God's goodness. Nothing has changed since the garden. However, after a time of honest confession with the Lord, I prayed "God I call to you Alone. Please incline your ear to me. Show me your marvelous lovingkindness which is at Your right hand it is readily available to me as I trust in You." (Psalm 17. 6-7). Realizing just the weight of my heart, the brevity of my sin, the pain of lingering unfilled desires, hope deferred, loneliness, reality of living in a falling world, aching for restoration, I needed and always need the only One who can comfort the soul. The Lord heard. He may never give me what I want or relieve my present circumstance when or how I want Him to, but He always always gives me Himself. Shortly after reading verses 6-7, the ending brought me comfort, David writes "As for me I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness" (Psalm 17.15). Oh to see Christ saturated in the Psalms. What hope! 1 John 3 reminds me of my true reality. One day I will be able to behold the beauty of a Holy God because I stand complete in Christ (my righteousness) and then my soul will be fully satisfied. For I will be like Christ. What great exceeding joy!!!!! One day as David wrote I will awake in the likeness of Jesus, "Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we KNOW that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is" (1 John 3.2). I greatly long for this day. My sadness has not dissipated or anything about my present circumstance changed in the matter of an hour, but God is faithful and my hope restored. I am not home today, but I am one day going home!

RANSOMED: KNOW Me-LOVE Me

RANSOMED: KNOW Me-LOVE Me: Is this not one of the deepest cries of the human heart? Someone, anyone please know me and love me. Deep within the human heart there is a ...

KNOW Me-LOVE Me

Is this not one of the deepest cries of the human heart? Someone, anyone please know me and love me. Deep within the human heart there is a desire to be known and yet loved for who we really are. But over the journey of our lives, we meet disappointment after disappointment filled with rejection, hurt, and pain. We realize that people are incapable of loving us perfectly, and often times, fail in loving us or quit loving us. So in a sense, we feel we have to pretend or work harder, always providing excuses for our failure, so people will love us. I know much of this encompassed my life, always looking for someone to love me for me and yet, finding it so difficult to let the only true lover and romancer of my soul, love me and romance me. But this romancer and lover never stopped fighting for me, and one day I was awakened to the truth of this GREAT lover! JJ Hellar wrote a beautiful song, "Who will love me for me?" The truth is there is only one person who is fully capable of loving you or me in the way our heart truly longs to be loved. However, we have a real enemy who seeks to steal us from this love and place before us deceitful lovers that lead us to an empty path of destruction. We run to these lovers whom seem appetizing; yet we find ourselves empty in a pit of treachery. Satan is mankind's enemy, and he always seeks to kill, steal, and destroy. He is the king of KILL JOY!!! But yet Jesus Christ, is the one who loves us perfectly. God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit love mankind perfectly. But what stops us from embracing this love and receiving it. Many factors: our own fallenness, our rebellious hearts, past hurts, Satan's lies and accusations against us, etc. Revelation 12.10 talks about Satan as our great accuser. He accuses man day and night. What might his accusations sound like, well for me, they were never gentle always harsh and hurtful....."you dont deserve love?" "You are filthy and unworthy." "Why try, why let someone else in, you ruin everything, every relationship you have always fails." "You are too much for anyone to love." We all hear some accusation. So, how did we come to a place to receive God's love and continue in letting Him love us. It continues to be a daily battle for me, but there is VICTORY!!!! And refuse to let the enemy win any longer.

First, there must be trust and belief in what God says is true and asking Him to open your heart to hear the lies and the voice that is not His. The reality is yes, WITHOUT Christ, we are unworthy, ugly people, failures, etc. But as followers of Christ, we are not WITHOUT Christ, but covered in Christ. Over the past few years of walking with Christ, I would hear over and over, "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8.1)." But one day, this truth became so real to me. If there is NO condemnation left for me, then I am condemning myself and letting Satan condemn me. When God removed the stain of sin from us through the blood of Christ, His wrath was completely satisfied, therefore, only grace is left. Christ did not die in vain. And God, unlike fallen man, does not remember our sins. The penalty was paid, and He chooses to remember them no more. David Crowder sings a beautiful song regarding grace, "It's your love that we adore, it's like a sea without a shore." How incredible! God's love and grace towards us is a sea, and there is no shore for us to swim to; we are sinking in love and grace. Stop and picture that! Meditate on that image!

Secondly, We have to fight! Your heart may not fully believe this truth just yet. And God is patient and long suffering with us. He remembers we are dust. But we will never believe without faith. Sometimes, we have to act upon what God says is true whether we feel it to be true or our rationale proves it true. REMEMBER-------We are fallen, NOT GOD and His word. Our SAVIOR JESUS, never fell. We did, and honestly we are a pretty pathetic people that someone else had to die to save us because we were incapable of saving ourselves. I like to say, sometimes in our walk with God, we need the Nike attitude- "Just DO IT." For me, I had to just let God love me, and STOP running to all my other false lovers. Was it easy? No. Was it comfortable? Initially, absolutely not. BUT God says there is no condemnation, and if God says that, then there is NONE. When I feel most wretched, wicked and disgusting inside, I can bow my head, and say Jesus love me, and because there is no condemnation, I am then loved and embraced. I have found that the presence of Christ is the only place where I never have to explain myself; I just come, sit, and rest. Sometimes, I just cry without words, because my heart is in so much pain and weary over life. So, often we say, God doesn't love me. God doesn't care about me. God is not good to me. I believed all those dirty filthy lies Satan was throwing at me. I had to stop those lies, stop life, sit at His feet in prayer or reading His word. And TRUST what He says. Even confessing what I was believing, the lies. And He is so faithful. When I approach God in FAITH (not feeling lovable or deserving of love), He always meets me. And I see my Jesus wrap His arms around me. He holds my hand with His nail pierced hands. Why is Jesus scarred and will always be scarred? Because we are wicked people who need saving. He holds me, and I see His scars, and when He holds me, I hear a gentle whisper, "I love you Tara. I love you for you. I love you with all your brokenness. And nothing will ever ever separate you from me. Rest my child. Im gentle and lowly in heart. You dont need to run anymore." Nothing says I love you more than nail pierced hands!!!!!

GLASS

I was listening to the country song, "Glass" during an evening run in the heat. There were two parts in the lyrics that struck my thinking. "We are shaped by the light we let through us" and "we break fast cause we are glass." We are shaped by what we let through us. The question is, what is the "light" you let in you? Maybe it is not light. Maybe it is something that invited itself without your permission. Regardless, there is one "True Light," and his name is Jesus Christ. He is the light now shaping my life. And in a sense how can we break when we are already broken. We do not need to convince ourselves that we are broken. One look at life on this earth will suffice our case as broken people. We are glass, shattered glass. There is only one source who can mend the shattered pieces of our life and that is Jesus Christ the King!!! Since the beginning of time, God has been pursuing and mending a people For himself through His Son Jesus Christ. Jesus came to this earth to mend God's priced possession and bring them back to their Creator. As long as you search for some "fix it" glue, you will continue to shatter. Only Christ can mend the broken pieces in our life.